I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR therapist, and Somatic Experiencing therapist.
My focus tends to be mind-body oriented psychotherapy. This site is not intended as a substitute for psychotherapy.
Spending more and more time online and less time sleeping and taking care of other responsibilities creates its own problems. Coming to Therapy After Getting Caught Often, people seek help in therapy because their wives discovered their online activity and gave them an ultimatum--get help or the marriage is over.
For most people that I've seen, this is a wake up call that they have a serious problem.
But there are still a percentage who remain only externally motivated and they approach treatment like "mandated clients." Developing As An Individual and Within a Couple For clients who want to change, the work begins by centering around recognizing boredom as a trigger for their acting out behavior.
One of the major problems with participating in online sex chat rooms is that this activity often becomes obsessive, so that participants either need to do it more often or they need to engage in riskier behavior to feel sexually gratified by the experience.Infidelity in Sex Chat Rooms Occurs with Both Men and Woman, Heterosexual and Gay Infidelity in chat rooms occurs with both men and women but, more often, it occurs with men cheating on their wives.So, for simplicity's sake, I will address this issue from the point of view of the husbands who are cheating.Also, for the sake of simplicity, I'm addressing this issue in terms of heterosexual men, but it's understood that this is also a problem among gay clients.Boredom as a Trigger to "Act Out" Often, men who feel bored with their marriage lack the communication and relationship skills to talk to their spouses about their boredom.All of the clients that I've seen for this problem have been men.But it's understood that this isn't just a problem for men.Also, aside from working on the relationship, learning to develop creatively as an individual is another important element of the treatment. But for many people who deal with their problems by "acting out," they've never developed in this way, so their personality development remains on an adolescent level--looking for the "excitement" outside of themselves rather than within themselves or within the relationship.We all go through periods when we feel bored and part of being a mature adult is learning to tolerate these occasions rather than trying to escape them with unhealthy habits.Many spouses who cheat online don't consider their secret to be a form of infidelity because they rationalize that there is no physical contact with the people they're chatting with on line.This is a form of denial, and it's one of the first misconceptions that I clear up with spouses who come to therapy to deal with this problem: Having sex chats with people online, other than your spouse, is a form of infidelity.