Even after a good birth, I was blind-sided by the transformation of my existence; the complete loss of identity and the suffocating monotony of being yoked to a little one all day. In the West, we live in an age that regards mothers’ negative feelings (even subconscious ones), as potentially toxic to children.It’s lucky that I had those pages to fill: confessing out-loud anything but joy at mothering is tantamount to being a bad person; it violates a taboo, and worse, feels like a betrayal of one’s child. Thanks to the child-rearing manuals (which are actually mother-rearing rule books) which emerged in the mid-twentieth-century and kicked off with Dr Benjamin Spock’s Baby and Child Care - the best-selling book in American history after the Bible – all sympathies suddenly switched to the child. Lawrence’s Sons and Lovers and decades of movies like Mommie Dearest and Psycho alarmed audiences with a fear of maternally induced psychic paralysis.Tell her to understand her wants and convey them, so she can fix issues or move on."She must have a strong sense of self, not try to be what the other person wants her to be," Goldstein says.8. Your daughter will never need your advice, and shoulder, more than when she's brokenhearted."Don't wait until your daughter is in a crisis to give this advice." Help her learn how to recognize signs she shouldn't stay with someone before she has to make that decision.7. Sometimes relationships look right on the surface, but feel wrong deep down.Maybe she's not getting out of it what she's putting in, or she simply feels something's missing.
"Don't let your own insecurity or your relationship stop you from living the life you deserve," says Weiner. If the guy she's interested in says he isn't looking for a girlfriend, tell her to believe him. "If you notice a person being unkind to someone else, don't fool yourself into thinking it will be different with you," says Weiner.Post-Freudian psychoanalysis told us that a mother’s moods could cause mental illness in her children. The theme of ambivalent motherhood was still so shocking by 2005 that it caused Lionel’s Shriver’s incredible We Need To Talk About Kevin to win The Orange Prize, sell over one million copies and become a book-club favourite with mothers everywhere.Even though it posed the idea that Kevin was possibly born evil, none of us could read it without identifying with the mother’s sense of monotony and vowing to do more one-on-one play to off-set the likelihood of family members being impaled by a crossbow.Remind her that it's OK to feel pain, but a breakup can be a lesson in itself."Nothing teaches a woman more about herself than losing love," says Jaime Morrison Curtis, author of 9. Teach your daughter not to desperately pursue; love will arrive when it's ready."There's no shame in enjoying a fairytale, but see these stories as opportunities to teach your daughter that real love is complicated, and comes in all different forms," says Curtis.Remind her she carries equal weight with her other half, and she can "slay the dragon herself," Curtis adds."The heart wants what it wants, but it often sabotages itself with impatience," says Curtis. Everyone needs room to breathe." Running after someone who doesn't want to be caught could damage her dignity—and hurt her chances of finding a partner.Acting prudently, though, can only make her more desirable.10. Don't administer litmus tests as measures of a person's love.One of these problems will cause too much stress for most marriages to overcome. If you “have extreme differences in parenting styles” (151) you need to stop dating. Raising children is a very hard job when you agree; however, when you disagree children tend to play one parent off the other causing conflict between the parents.You need to remember you are not only marrying the person, but also the children. If he/she causes constant trouble, you will be in constant turmoil in the new marriage and will need to consider canceling your plans to marry.